by Gail Allen
All we need is love, right? Well, as it turns out, for a healthy relationship, perhaps not. Human relationships...man, they are difficult! Not only do we have to feel safe and have a balanced Root Chakra, but now, we’re going to move on to the place where a LOT of women seem to get stuck - Sacral Chakra!
If you remember from our conversation about Root Chakra, much of our adult relationships have to do with our first relationships with our caregivers. If we have had less than ideal childhoods -- our parents abandoned us, for example...or they blame their very adult problems on our tiny child selves, we begin to take on guilt. Guilt for what, exactly? Why, our very existence, of course! And here’s the thing...we can cognizantly know that our thinking isn’t rational, but that doesn’t make our bodies - or minds - believe it! And our bodies remember - even when our brains don’t. Reading, The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessell Van Der Kolk, M.D. is eye opening for a lot of folks who don’t realize what they’ve pushed aside from childhood. We become used to constantly apologizing, but we’re not even sure what for - we’re just sure that it’s bound to be our fault!
It doesn’t stop there, unfortunately. If our early definitions of love center around drama and trauma, if we don’t have that in our adult relationships, it may not feel like love to us. If we are so used to being in codependent relationships that revolve around using or being used by other people, then a stable, healthy, loving relationship may not feel at all like love. In fact, it may even feel boring. If there’s no chaos to focus on and numb our problems with...then we may actually even begin to feel things - unpleasant things from our past - that we may rather not experience… so much so, that we may even be willing to sacrifice our emotionally stable, loving relationships in pursuit of what feels normal. Many times that guilt shows up as empathy. Taking on other people’s emotions and reactions as our own and then storing them in our own bodies is a very typical trauma response - especially for women. Noticing other people’s nonverbal cues as children often keeps us safe. As we get older, we often mistake that as our personality, and don’t notice that it’s a way that keeps us focusing on others, instead of feeling safe to ask for our own needs to be met. Unfortunately, staying focused on the chaos of the whirlwind of our existence… either of our own, our partner’s, or the relationship itself, keeps us in Survival Mode. Our relationships and our lives never switch to the Thrive Stage because we just have to keep surviving from one crisis to the next.
On the other hand, is all that self-work really worth it? Because it’s hard work, right?? It’s a lot of hard work - to reparent ourselves, relearn and redefine what love feels like. However, on the other side of a balanced Sacral Chakra is true, unwavering joy. Creativity, passion, and self-expression can replace self-loathing and constant guilt. Being in tune with our own bodies and unafraid to take on new challenges, no matter what life throws at us, feeling at ease with our own needs and desires. If this is true, then perhaps The Beatles were right...maybe love is all we need!
If you’re ready to get started to work towards healing, let us know. Our Sacral Chakra Journey Course is OPEN NOW! Click the LINK to learn more! I am also available for one-on-one intensive Chakra Healing, a personalized approach using the modalities available in our online course, as well as, Reiki energy healing, brainspotting, and regular sessions of talk therapy. Email me for more information! firstname.lastname@example.org
Interested in learning more about rebirthing? Check out our Summer Solstice Course with a focus for the month on Summer Solstice, Re-Birthing, and Fresh Starts!
Gail Allen, the creator of the Chakra Journey, is a Master Holistic Healer. She is a registered yoga teacher, Reiki Master and Teacher, Licensed Massage and Bodywork Therapist, and earned her Masters Degree in Counseling.
Gail Allen and Danielle Schwartz are both 500-RYT yoga professionals trained in Hatha and Kundalini Yoga. They specialize in Chakra Healing, Curvy Yoga, 8 Limbs of Recovery (yoga for recovering addicts), Reiki Healing, Aromatherapy, and other modalities of healing.